Yoga & Fasting in India

Sham Mahabir.

I decided to write this as I wanted to share with friends and family my journey while I was in India and about to embark on this fasting programme, I wanted them to see why I did it and what I got out of it; most importantly I wanted them to know how I felt during the course and to share in some of the highs and lows of my life. Completing this course was something that brought me great joy, love, happiness but equally lots of sadness . It guided me through a time in my life that I am very proud of and the achievement in doing this programme and the decision it allowed me to make.

I had seen this programme advertised a few months ago and I had told myself that it was something I would like to do so once It was decided we were going to be in India for the Christmas and New Year period, without a doubt in my mind I was going to do this programme, but the doubts came and they went from time to time.

With that decided, I thought and even fanaticised about all the good things that would come from doing the course. Not a day went by when I did not think or reflect about the changes I may encounter during and after the course. I literally spent hours talking to friends and family members about it and also wondering what the other people on the course were going to be like.

But I did not bog myself down with that too much, as I was not going there to meet people and make friend. I thought to myself I had lots of friends already. Those thoughts did lead me to wonder why I was doing this. What did I hope to gain from it? All these questions haunted me until one day I realised that I wanted a clean slate to start 2006. I had decided to do this course and I wanted my brain and mind free from thoughts, negative ideas, but most importantly I wanted to take stock of my life and reflect on the different element s that made my life us. That included my family, friends, relationship and job. Without a doubt I knew it was going to be a good thing as nothing bad could come of it.

This was going to be about me and making a fresh start in 2006, whether that meant shedding friends, changing jobs, moving house/country, I did not know all I knew now was that I wanted to do this course and I was very excited when I thought about it.

Group dynamics can be difficult enough and when I thought about all these emotions that may arise for some people I wondered if I was doing the correct programme but some thing kept telling me this is right and that If anything I can learn from them as I am young and I believe very inexperience. I eventually stopped worrying about them as I thought they could help and guide I thought we could help each other trough difficult times but also this was out of my control, and I was sure we would get on especially as its rare that I meet people and they don't get on with me.

The Ashram

Finally the day had come and I had arrived at the ashram in Kerela, South India .

I was prepared for what some of my friends called "a life changing event" . I had prepared to feel hungry not to eat any food to do lots of reading, yoga and of course I wanted to use this time to my advantage and reflect on my life and where I am currently and when I'm heading. I had some plans for 2006 but I wanted to develop a lot more and I was going to use this time to make some decision that will not only affect my but others around me, friends, family and colleagues.

I was not prepared for what I got! I was in shock or maybe amazement is a better word.

Upon arriving at the Ashram it was set in the most beautiful location. It was like being in an oasis (and for those of you who know India it was an Oasis). The surroundings did not look dry and arid, nor did I see all the unpleasant sights I left behind in the capital of Kerela or at my first port of call in Chennai. I had the immediate feeling of calm a sanctuary of peace and as I had just had a 16 hour train journey, no clothes as our bags were lost by the airline so this feeling was more than welcomed!

My disappointment came when I realised I was going to be pushed even furthered that I had expected or prepared myself when it came to my comfort zone. I knew India is not a place you go for comfort and if that is what you want you don't go to an ashram. You check into a Taj Hotel. I had not stayed in an ashram before so when I saw the sleeping accommodations I was well the word I am looking for is speechless.

The only comfort I gained from the accommodations in the Ashram was realising that I was in a room that was shared with one other person, but In all honestly all that created was a sense of security for my stuff (what little was left) and not hearing someone snoring all night! The beds were very basic and the mattress was made of 2" coconut fibre. I did not know what to do. What could I do? I did not want to spoil my experience"

The silver lining came when I found out on the second day of the course that the other guy on the course was due to arrive late was not going to be sharing the room with me and that James could share the room with me. I was thrilled about this but I think he was happier as his sleeping accommodations were a lot worse than mine. I felt safe and happy knowing that James was in the same room with me. It was also good for us as we were able to spend the nights together. But I still felt uncomfortable as the mattress did not change, nor did the ants in the bathroom and the dust that seemed to follow me around this "oasis".

So, the course started and I met my fellow "fasters", and I realised that they were not too different from me. They hailed from different parts of the world (US, Canada , France, Austria and UK ). They all had different reasons for doing the fast and they bought their own anxiety to the course.

The start of the Course

So I prepared to starve myself for the next fourteen days we started with Orange juice (or OJ as the Americans called it), some sort of clay and powders Yeah seriously! I'm not joking and the funny thing was it did not taste too bad, Don't get me wrong it was no walk in the park but I had tasted worst things in the past. We had the first of several group sharing exercise, had the next fourteen days outlined and given our schedules of treatments and daily schedule.

We met each other (Tracy, Chanda, Yasmin, Mahadevi, Bridget, Anita, Ken, Tom, Isabelle, Susan and Prameshwarean,) and I was a bit relieved as they were not "freaks". They were as normal as you and I. They had all come for different reasons and we respected that. Minutes turned into hours and the next think we knew it was pill time, more juice and then pills and Juice and finally a vegetable broth. We were given a cocktail of pills that all did different things for our body. It's been tried and tested so I thought I will give it a go. After all I was here for this and I wanted to give this my all. I knew I had not done anything like this before and it was challenging but I found it very exciting,

The days went by sometimes they felt long and drawn out and other days they passed like lightening.

As a group we started to get friendly and more trusting without noticing we had formed two groups. Tracy, Yasmin, Chanda, Mahadevi, Tom, Ken and I seemed to sit together and spend lots of time just talking about life, our reasons for coming on the programme. Sometimes we even debated politics and social issues WOW!!! We opened up about our past, our plans for the future we shared experiences made everlasting friendships. There was this trust that encircled the group that I don't think any one realised at the time but it is obvious in hindsight.

The first week went by and it was not until then I had not really realised that I was not feeling hungry! I was having juice three times a day and there was no shortage of that. Suzanne (one of the course facilators) and two Ashram employees made up with the limited supply of fruits (Pineapple Coconut Paypaya carrots oranges and Beetroot or (beet as the US and Canadians called it). Susan really tried to make it as interesting as possible all things considering.

By the second week we were getting bored and by this time I had started talking about food. Sushi came up on several occasions and I started to crave it but I did not feel hungry! I just wanted it because I liked it, and I guess talking about it all the time did not help. I guess the best way to describe my feeling at this time is by saying I was not hungry but I was aware I was not eating and I wanted to pick or things. Fruit, Chocolates you name it my senses were aware of the absence of food and I made the rest of the group aware of how I felt, I was told on a couple of occasion that I should stop talking about food as I am making it difficult for some to the others "fasters". It did stop me but only for a while. My feelings came again and I just could not stop myself.

At some group sharing meetings some people change and they felt that they had the confidence to say how they felt about any issues. On one occasion, and this was one of the things I loved about the group, one of the fasters had difficulties in speaking her mind, for some reason she felt empowered and that she had the strength and I was pleased about that. She told us how she felt and also said that it was the first time she was able to do that. After the sharing experience I was so moved by it I went to her and said how pleased I was that she was able to speak her mind she had gained confidence in herself and for me that is priceless,

One of our daily highlights was DINNER! You will not believe how much we looked forward to dinner time Not that it was very interesting. Think of cabbage, potatoes and carrots boiled for two hours and then strained. We drank the water/broth call it what you want we loved it and drank lots of it. We mixed into in some soy sauce and chilli oil and it all helped.

What can I say! The end was always going to be eminent and I was prepared for it, or was I? This is something I kept asking myself. I know or thought I was looking forward to leaving the ashram and heading to Goa for that hedonistic life I was expecting and desperately wanting to experience. Just lying back on the beach a beer in my hand and dancing till the sun rose in the morning. What else can a guy ask for on holiday?

But it came, the end was there and before I knew it it was time for us to break our fast and that was a true sign that the fast was coming to an end. Without a doubt I was looking forward to eating again having not had any solids for ten days would you not be?. The morning came and I was full of excitement as I could not believe that I was about to have food, I felt like a child at Christmas or what I expect an expecting father would feel like. All the excitement built up inside me to create a sense of joy and fulfilment having just completed what I had hailed as a mammoth experience; we all were excited and looking forward to it.

We ate the fruit salad that was prepared for us It looked beautiful, and I sat there in anticipation my taste buds bulging with excitement and a longing desire to devour as much as possible, indeed which was tasty and I truly enjoyed it.

Did I enjoy it because I was in India and the fruits there seem to taste a lot better as they are ripened on the tree, unlike in England ? I will never know. A large part of me could not help to wonder what if I had carried on the fast. Would I feel any better for it? Did eating this food make me feel any stronger as a person? Did it give me anything? Why did I feel that I had to eat at 8:00 as I had been doing all my life? A big part of felt as if I had failed myself. Was my mind just playing games on me creating the sense that I needed to eat, was just one of the questions that I could not help but ask myself over and over again?

During the course of the programme the other fasters weighed themselves and I was very tempted but I wanted to be shocked when I did it, I knew I was looking different so I was positive that I had lost some weight and as my clothes were getting too big for me and my face was rapidly depleting in size.

All this was welcomed and I was tempted, but I never gave it, I wanted to give myself a reward on Christmas day, so I waited and I went through the fast without a weigh in. I would live through the days by our discussions about my fellow fasters telling me of their weight loss. So on Christmas day the biggest thing for me was weighing myself not the eating (well a part of that).

The moment of truth! Mahadevi bought her scales to the back and I jumped on having spent the last ten days enjoying hearing my fellow "fasters" talk about their weight loss, I was now filled with lots of excitement AGAIN!

I thought I had lost about 1 stone (14 pounds). And at my initial calculating I was shocked as It was in the region of 18 (pounds). As I was not very good in Maths I decided to use a calculator and that is when I calculated the my current weight from pounds (US weighing scales) into stones and pounds ( UK weighing scales) to say I was shocked is like the biggest understatement of the year if not my life.

I could not believe I had just revealed that I had lost a staggering 2 stones (28 pounds). That was it

I was on top of the world. A big part of me felt this can't be right not healthy. I felt as if I had been doing this fast and although I felt incredible I thought there is no way that I could have lost the much weight. I was thrilled as to me that is an unacceptable level of weight loss. I spoke to the course leader and he put my mind to rest, saying if I feel good does it really matter! And he was right. felt great, I looked fabulous and I did not care. That was the most important thing to me. I did think the scales could have been a bit heavy or light or as it was not the scales I used to weigh myself before there could have been some discrepancy there. Again I will never know but I still looked great.

The fast was ending I had made some lovely friends people I knew I was going to stay in touch with over the course of my natural life. That little group that stayed up and chatted, who swam together, did facials and go into town and have a little treat once we broke the fast (one of the best breakfast and day of my trip in India ) my new friends! The people I had just spent the last ten days of my life with The people who made me realise who I am in a lot of ways and the people who shared some of my current issues and challenges. I felt safe with them there was something more that a few people fasting. They may have felt different but for me they were true friends maybe the truest friends I have had in my life. They will always be with me and if it had not been for then I am not sure if I would have been able to complete the programme.

Saying goodbye!

Saying good bye is never easy and I thought about the times I leave my mom in Miami It's never an easy thing to do but you just got to do it.

All packed and ready to leave I was touched to see all my friends there in a row to say good bye! Chanda was leaving with us and I was pleased to be spending some more time with her while we had to wait for our bus. To see Tracy , Yasmin, Ken and Tom meant the world to me. James commented how special the group was and noted that they will be friends for a long while. They too had commented of lots of occasions how lovely he was. I remember Tracy telling me one day how he had this special aura about him. It was a very special moment and one I will always have.

After the Ashram

I felt many different things whilst I was on the programme. I noticed that I was using my glasses less and I was able to read, had my vision become better? I guess a combination of yoga eye exercises and the fasting, all the carrot juice made it clearer. When I came back to London I decided to have my eyes corrected by laser surgery, but didn't as my eyes are not sufficiently bad enough to warrant the operation. My prescription in one eye had gotten better but in one worst! I now think it just nature doing its stuff. As I said earlier I did not feel hungry, I am still in amazement how after ten days of not eating, or chewing how a person can sustain their body, but it only goes to show that we use our bodies in ways they don't need to be used.

I felt sad as I realised that I missed practicing my religion as being in the Ashram I noticed, while singing devotional songs and other elements like being surrounded by the images of gods, the ringing of bells and others elements. A part of my life I will like to see more active and I was going to make it happen.

I did a lot of thinking when it came to my life and I was sure that I was in a job I loved, the people I worked with were great and I had the flexibility which was going to allow me to do the diploma in Marketing. Decision making became clear to me, I felt focused and I wanted to take on the world I felt as if I was on this journey and it had ended, yet it was just beginning. A new lease on life? Maybe!